Archive for April, 2009


My wife loves calendar-based events.  Anniversaries, birthdays, any kind of activity that you can celebrate with a number on a calendar, she’s all about.  We celebrated the anniversary of our first date.  We still do, actually.  So when we got married, I knew that things would spiral completely out of control.  Especially when you consider that her birthday is May 1st, the anniversary of our first date is May 5th, and we got married on May 6th.  I think my checking account is going to be overdrawn.

After being with this fine, fine lady for nearly 5 years, I know one thing; no surprises.  Deep down I know she likes them, but she hates not knowing something that I know, so I just spill the beans on whatever I’m going to do for her; or better yet, ask her what she wants.  So with our first anniversary coming up as a married couple, some extra money coming in, and me being home with the free time to do something elaborate, I asked her what she would like for her birthday.  I could give her the world.

“I really want fettucini alfredo with the chicken in it.”

That’s about 8.75 at Olive Garden.  I have been absorbing recipes and cooking techniques like a dry sponge, and she wants me to make something you can get in a TV dinner.  But that’s not all; she doesn’t want anything special.  Now, I know most of you are thinking, “well, she’s just saying that.” No, she means it.  I once thought she was only ‘saying’ that as well.  Not going to make that mistake again.

And I can’t do anything really special for her, like de-winterizing her motorcycle, or getting it tuned up, because she loves to do that stuff and would be upset that I took that away from her.  I could clean the house, but then what?  That’s maybe 20 minutes of, ‘oh wow, thanks cutie’ and then there’s dog hair everywhere again.  I was considering bathing the dog….but she’s 75 pounds.  And when a 75 pound animal really doesn’t want to do something, you’re not going to win.

But that’s just May 1st.  The first day in the Carnival of Emily.  I still have a first-date anniversary (there’s only so many times you can recreate it before it feels like a trip to the dentist), and our wedding anniversary.  I feel like I’m trying to plan Mardi Gras.  So I’m working feverishly to figure out a way to totally wow her this year since it’ll be the first year of our Triumverate of Celebration, yet I’m coming up dry.  Why do I have to bring my ‘A’ game?  She threw me a surprise birthday party.  I’ve always wanted one, and she delivered.  Yeah, I have to top that.

It’s a perfect storm for one week in early May.  At least it’s only once a year.


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